Night covered the fields around Swansea like a black velvet glove, albeit a badly fitting one that smelt faintly of manure. In one such field near Bon-y-maen, eleven figures in white robes encircled a small campfire. One of the figures was the proud possessor of a long beard that reached his midriff. In his left hand he held a golden sickle. In his right hand he held a stick, on which he was toasting marshmallows.
To the east, the sky lightened slightly in advance of the rising sun. In the west too, the sky lightened slightly, this time due to light pollution over Swansea. A slight murmur went round the group as they could sense dawn approaching. The bearded fellow, who had now moved on from marshmallows and was flaming a frankfurter, looked up.
“Hello, Dawn!” said he.
“Hello, A.” Dawn replied. “Have I missed anything? We haven't got to the naked frolicking yet, have we?”
It was not A that answered her but rather another chap with a patchy grey goatee beard. “We do not frolic naked, young lady. For we are Pan's People, and we perform our ceremonies with pride and dignity.”
“But…” started A.
“Young man!” interrupted the goatee. “The sun is almost upon us. Sister Em is to lead us in the address to Pan, after which we shall parade in the pasture as nature intended.”
Dawn broke into a frown. “But I thought it was Brother A's turn to lead the address of Pan's People. Why Em?”
"Why Em?" the goatee repeated through gritted teeth. "Why Em?! See A? Abusing the sacred flames with a sausage is not conducive to the address of Pan. That's why Em.”
Slightly shocked by the outburst, Dawn turned to her bounteously-bearded buddy and raised one eyebrow inquisitively.
“I got Grand Master Anthony's golden sickle gooey with marshmallow,” he whispered, making Dawn giggle and the goatee scowl at the pair of them.
Grand Master Anthony had a serious case of beard envy. It was he that had abbreviated A's name - also Anthony - so that people did not get them confused. Em's sister Toni had eliminated one possible abbreviation, and Anthony had chosen A in the hope that the younger man would somehow seem inferior. It had not worked. It was also he that added the "Grand" in "Grand Master" in the hope that it would gain him more respect. That had not worked either. Instead, it had given him the nickname "Grab a Grand" when the other members of Pan's People were talking about him behind his back. They did this quite regularly, for Grand Master Anthony was a man who tended to turn his back on those he deemed beneath him, which was essentially everybody.
Although a man who was used to having his hopes flung back in his face (or back), the Grand Master was unwilling to be upstaged by sausage, marshmallow, nor any other form of consumable on a stick, and decided to get things moving. “Brother Duncan - the pipes, young man.”
Brother Duncan, a spotty youth whose mother ran the B & B in Bon-y-maen, produced a set of panpipes from the recesses of his robe and began to play them softly. It was not so much a tune as a gentle meandering of notes but what the boy lacked in talent, he made up in enthusiasm. Brother A was the real talent of the group when it came to the pipes but, again, the Grand Master forbade him from "showing off" and so it was left to his less skilful kindred to start the proceedings.
Next to Duncan, Sister Em stretched forth her hands. “Oh great goat god, Pan. Hear us from Arcadia and smile on us as we welcome the new season. Jupiter has waned and Capricorn is here. Bless us as we celebrate your coming. I present myself to thee!”
With that, Sister Em flung off her robes to reveal her naked body. Brother Duncan's music faltered slightly as his control of the panpipes was momentarily affected by the horn. Then, one by one, the group presented themselves to the great goat god, Pan.
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